


Eridan: Commit Suicide

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, And then- oops no spoilers, EriFef, EriFef is ex-moirail, EriKar is moirail, EriSolGam, Eridan and Sollux are in an auspistice with Gamzee, Eridan has scars on his neck because its a headcanon of mine, Eridan is in depression, Future redrom EriGam, GamSolEri, Gen, I'm probably abusing the tags at this point, Sadstuck, Suicide Attempt, This is kind of me venting through Eridan?, This is probably depressing but its a sadstuck so..., enjoy, erikar - Freeform, i guess, idk - Freeform, imma stop now, implied cutting, just Eri tynna commite suicide, no i'm not, ships yo, the ships aren't necessarily the main center point of the story, their a thing, third person, this isn't really a sadstuck if I'm honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-06
Updated: 2015-10-06
Packaged: 2018-04-25 02:17:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4942897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The title is sooooooooo creative omg. Um...think of a summary...the readers need to be reeled into read this oneshot.<br/>Uhhh....I got it!<br/>Eridan has lost all hope and he is ready to die because he has gotten it into his head that he is worthless, pathetic and no one he let into his heart will help him anymore and are ignoring him quite bluntly, so he turns to suicide, which is never the answer. Little does he know...(read the end notes for the rest of the summary)<br/>One last thing before you read this I want you to remember, dear readers, that things do get better. Suicide is a long-term solution to a temporary problem and I know you've heard that before and I won't lie you are gonna have your rough spots, I have them too, but there are people who will miss you. Who do love you. Don't lose hope, never lose hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eridan: Commit Suicide

((I warn you its pretty fuckin' short.))

 

What does it matter anymore? You don't care. You feel to broken inside to really give a shit, Feferi has left you long ago and you are only now letting yourself feel the abandonment take hold of your soul. Karkat is ignoring your messages, Gamzee told you to basically fuck off when you went to go have a feelings jam (which he is usually willing to have), and Sollux laughed at you over trollian for telling the damned pissblood that your in depression.  
Though you suppose it makes sense, in the bitter end. You are a genocidal maniac who deserves nothing and that is exactly what you have received thus far. No one is attempting to comfort you anymore and you blame it on yourself for the barrier you put up. Because even the ones you let inside, the ones you began to rely on and trust decided to break you, too. So the barrier ended up being a waste of time, its construction a hopeless accomplishment.  
There is no more hope now. You feel utterly lost, unwanted on a large scale as you sit on the mast of the ship. Looking down at the deck below you and sigh as you close your eyes. Skyhorsedad just recently abandoned you because you were no longer the son he wanted you to be. You cannot reach their expectations, not anymore. You excel at being lower than Karkat's blood color regardless if you finally have hope of being an orphaner, it just doesn't matter to you now, though.  
So you reach up a shaky hand to unclasp the cape from your neck, opening your eyes to slits to see it drift down toward the ship's deck once released and watch it being carried by the wind. With both hands you take off the scarf, as well. Watching as it misses its target and lands in the water instead of on top of the violet cape now sprawled out in a clump of tattered fabric on the aging wood.  
You stare at it emotionlessly for a moment before running a hand over the scars on the right side of your neck. Smack dab on those precious gills, rendering the right-side useless underwater. They make you feel hideous, revolting like the ones on your wrists. But un-like those razor-made indents these two specific scars you were hatched with resemble the symbol you bare on your black shirt. You once wondered why that is but it doesn't matter anymore.  
Though you would admit that there was a time that you boosted about your beauty. Loved those two scars and kept them hidden like treasures and actually believed yourself when you were saying you were beautiful...and yet in the past sweeps they sound more like lies to you. Now you just feel ugly.  
Its been too long since you've smiled. Way to long. You try to smile but it doesn't work, it just feels wrong, alien to you so you let your face remain as it always has since you first started rolling down this rocky hill. Inhaling deeply as you close your eyes and tilt your head back. Giving a long exhale as you let yourself fall backwards off the beam you were sitting on.  
And only now can you honestly say that you've never felt this alive then when you were hopefully about to die. Tears retch themselves from your eyes as you finally smile like you've always wanted to. The impact doesn't register to you, nor does breaking through the first two floors and landing on the third because you just feel so numb. The light shining through the holes you made are pretty to you as you lay there on the ground with broken limbs.  
No one will come to check on you, you've been abandoned, after all. You will rot here like they've always silently been telling you to do. And as the last few tears fall you close your eyes. Going limp as you try giving into the darkness. The faint scream for help is lost to you, you just know that it wasn't your voice and that you finally feel free from all the pain.  
But the feeling doesn't last long enough when you get the faint sense of being picked up by familiar arms.  
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Sweeps later and you cannot thank your companions enough for getting you the help you needed all those sweeps ago when they had saved you from your suicide attempt. "GET TA WWORK YE SCALAWWAGS!" being a famous orphaner is more fun then you could have dreamed of back then, owning a fleet is pretty nice, too. And your matesprit who used to be apart of your auspistice is a great bonus.  
Getting to sail back to his arms is the most amazing feeling you could ever have, "You're little miracle wwill be home soon enough, ya fuckin' cutie". You're so happy you didn't die that day.

**Author's Note:**

> (rest of the summary)...that his companions are throwing him a surprise party (why they are ignoring him) because Feferi found out that Eridan had been accepted to be apprenticed by an Orphaner. So she and Gamzee are on their way to pick him up and take him to the place the party is being held when they see him fall from the ship's mast.
> 
> Also I want you to try and remember this thing I think of whenever I get depressed because it helps me and it might help you, too: The night sky may be darkened by storm clouds just like the day's but those storm clouds will go away, it just doesn't happen right away.  
> ^ It's always helped me, even if its just a little bit. Hopefully it helps you, as well? Idk. Have a great morning/afternoon/night/day/etc.


End file.
